He won

So now this horrid ugly election season is over. I'm so happy we can breath again as our faith in humanity has been restored.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Things are happening

What is this? Is prosperity finally coming our way. When you pray for rain the lord makes it pour. As long as blessings come washing down on us I will continue to praise his name.


Ok now that the respectable shit is out of the way lets turn these good moments into miraculous marvels of astounding awesomeness.
- a look inside the mind of D -

A new place for my RANTS

In My Humble Opinion:

'via Blog this'

Please enjoy my Tumblr home for the strong thoughts I often keep

Just walk on

Keep it moving people


You know what no one ever told my ass how to get to sesame street. I always assumed it was because m black, but then I came to realize that one black guy lived there so I was like what the fuck. So it was a personal attack against me keeping me off their damn street. It just was never right. Damn you big bird and your damn split personality make believe friend.

- a look inside the mind of D -

My feelings can be found: http://dustaquarius.tumblr.com/post/29651693102/hermit-by-day-and-probably-by-night-as-well

the deepest manner of writing I can do. These are my feelings and this is who I am

As time goes by I come to find myself retreat more and more into a world of nothing. I work I play I sleep I eat but in all honesty all these things are done alone. It’s not that there aren’t people I can do all these things with, but I just find comfort in being alone. Some call these feelings depression, but the being alone isn’t really the sad part to me. I’m perfectly fine being left alone with my thoughts and my internet access, this being needed to note down the alone I’m enjoying though others don’t understand. No the depression comes not from being alone, but from recognizing this solo existence is not what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve had a lifetime of friendships. I’ve had good times out in public, and no matter how much I fight it at heart I’m more a people person then I let on. So that being said why do I feel like being by myself? Also can I truly call it “being by myself” if I write down every emotion and beg the world to read these thoughts? It seems like a backwards attempt at complete acceptance. I want to reach out and touch the world all while denying the world the ability to touch me. I’m the boy in the bubble but I refuse to let the outside tempt me to escape it. In the coming weeks I’ve vowed to try and reconnect with the ones I’ve deemed friends, but at this point I don’t know what kind of friendship I really have to offer. I mean I haven’t been much of a friend for years and wouldn’t know how to become a better one overnight. Also I’ve found so much of myself in this internet I’ve cast myself into people I don’t know and probably wouldn’t bother to know me in real life I’ve cast them in the role of friends. Its such a sad thing really when you get right down to it.  

Well I guess the point of all this is to say

YES i know I don’t talk much

YES i know I’m not the best friend I could be

YES i know as a husband I’m withdrawn most of the time

NO I’m not suffering from DEPRESSION

NO i  don’t need any kind of therapy

YES it will all be changing for the better soon

NO i can’t give an exact time and date for this change to take place

HELL NO I’M NOT GIVING UP MY INTERNETS haha

early in life I came to recognize I was a loser in love

ContraCostaCountyBlackBoyProblems

OK it’s time for a brief rundown of why I am the way I am. Let’s just say growing up Black in CoCO County (Contra Costa County for all you non norcal people) made dating life a little different then most experienced. Also being incredibly shy didn’t help none either haha

2nd Grade Antioch, CA: Antioch taught me a lot about life. Like how to have fun when your backyard consists of one giant hill with cows directly behind your backyard fence. It also taught me the lesson of if you have a neighbor a year older then you and who is an exhibitionist you would be crazy not to jump at the chance to be near them. She was my first kiss, first make out, and first naked female body all wrapped into one. HA her brother thought i was HIS bestfriend but anyone with sense knows I only hung out with him to be with her. Man girls had a distinct power over me from an early age.

5th Grade Concord, CA: My first real crush and first real heart break. She was the ultimate tomboy which at that point i found AWESOME. We hung out during breaks and could talk sports, wrestling and everything else that would make you assume a girl gay but we were too young to be concerned about that. Turns out she liked me to at least thats what a friend of her friend told my friend to tell me (Come on who doesn’t miss childhood communications haha). I did get around to asking her myself and her affection for me was confirmed. Then the evil that was my father made me transfer schools. Didn’t see the girl for another 2 years and by that time we had grown and boyhood crush became distant memory

6th Grade Concord, CA: First REAL girlfriend ever acquired at my new most memorable school. We talked all the time and raised our parents phone bills. She told me of how her lovely super white mother had fantasies of killing me as my blackness was somehow ruining her daughter. We never kissed never hugged barely held hands but we were IN LOVE (ok the no touching thing could be blamed on my uptight super christian private school having a STRICT no PDA policy. YAY Tabernacle) It was 3 months of togetherness followed by a sudden devastating break up caused by her wanting to date someone her parents were probably happy with. I don’t know what the reason, but its funny for years i considered it my first heartbreak. Broken hearted from a girl i never touched and never saw outside of school. Oh young love haha

7th Grade Yes Still Concord, CA: Once again no PDA out of this one but a better connection with longer phone calls. Lasted a week and few people knew about us dating really. Actually it was probably more then a week, but as we never established ENDING it I just always assume it was a week. Frankly it could have been longer she left school because of her ghetto ass sister starting brawls (uptight christian schools don’t enjoy burly white girls who attempt to live the la vida loca life). This one probably had the best conversations together, but I remember so little about her besides her first name and hairstyle. Is that weird?

8th Grade Final year in concord, CA well kinda: No girlfriend but did enjoy my first date ever. She was easily one of the best looking girls in school and to this day probably the most popular. Why she said yes to me is still a mystery. I assumed in order to either A. Piss off her parents or B. expand her dating profile by adding the only eligible black candidate in school. It was fun, but looking back I should’ve cleaned up with the ladies in that school. I was adorable too bad I was far to shy to speak to most of them in any kind of serious way.

HIGH SCHOOL  1year Concord 3years Oakland: Let us end this dating adventure with a run down of high school relationships…. WHAT RELATIONSHIPS? ok i did have 2 instances of something. 1 concord date that I considered taking a friend from Jr High to the first dance of the year, but others looked on as if that made us a couple. Some couple one dance with no dancing or pictures together. She went with her friends I went with mine but some guys from my class were still incredibly jealous of me. I found this odd as she wasn’t even remotely cute to me. Then 3 years in Oakland contain 1 girlfriend who looking back on it existed simply because no one else was showing either one of us interest. Jr and Sr year with the same person out of the sake of not being alone in high school. Sure it was great but it was high school. Like all things in high school it comes it goes and in between its fake and meaningless.

So many Outlets..

Yes the internet she grows and grows. That being said there are so many venues for self expression; however some of these people don't need to express so much. I mean I'm not the beacon of moral fiber and complete source of total wisdom the world needs, but I definitely try to upgrade the average reader. My words are often pretty into themselves, and why shouldn't they be. My words are the SHIT after all. You've never heard words such as these, ok you've heard them before but never in the order that I put them. It's not everyday you read so many run on sentences or phrases with lack of punctuation and of course lets not forget full paragraphs that take you nowhere. To read my thoughts forces you into a new level of consciousness simply so you can understand the point. The trick is the point is that there is no point.  Life is meaningless however its on you to give it purpose. Life without meaning is standard but a life with no purpose is a waste. Those are words to live by people.

Just a little something

Love Actually has me thinking about what we consider love, actually haha

http://dustaquarius.tumblr.com/post/28789462672/contracostacountyblackboyproblems

Check out the Tumblr

D's Mind - Page 1 of 11:

Check out my new home... for now. I'm a ship in the fog of internet I'll land somewhere else one day for now this is my current location haha

'via Blog this'

Distractions

Everyday I find it more and more difficult to focus. I've come to terms with it holding me back in my life, but it most definitely is troublesome. If only there was a quick and easy way for me to guide myself through this wall of crazy outside interference that I've come to know and love. Between the internet, comedians, sports and television my day is pretty full. Throw in family and the semi pointless need for outside social activities. My life is in need of change, but I find myself unable to focus long enough to make the needed changes happen.  Oh well that's the price you pay for utter genius being choked by fear of failure and ravaged by low self esteem. 

Glory glory Hallelujah

Bask in the glory of the almighty love.  The power the grace of his love compels you. Be a better person for it's simply in us all. He sent his son to save you. To rescue us all from ourselves. His love is never ending. It deserves better then keeping his old dusty book upon our shelves. Read his words of wisdom. In each sentence you can feel the touch of the love brought from on high the almighty, this love should be more then enough. So why do we run from it? Why do some look at it an sneer. Why roll your eyes when its presented to you when we know the words are strong. Is it to much a bother to listen when the preacher goes on and on? So you buck away from the system you want to do it your own way. You do your best to stay on the righteous path and ignore the steadfast believers as they tell you how you've strayed. What people fail to realize not everyone's faith is the same. You may feel the love of the almighty but you sense it in your own unique particular way. So I say these words onto you. The righteous and even some of ye damned. The Lord thy God the ALMIGHTY FATHER always awaits for you with wide open hands. Welcoming you into the light of joy and happy. Welcoming you into the eternal bliss. Though the path too him may seem skewed to some the end result doesn't have to be hit and miss. If you want to reach the promised land to spend eternity in glory at your end. The way to the gates is simple accept HIM as your savior with you whole heart not just as a social whim. Believe the word that's been spoken listen to the message that's been preached. When you do this simple gesture blessed glory can be reached. You may not believe what I'm saying. You may not always understand. You may feel I have no right to speak these words to you, maybe you never saw me as a saved and righteous man. Know that I may have my flaws and often this life I walk through while half awake, but my love for my Lord is honest and my faith in him you shall never take.

My work day for the past two weeks

U.S. Universities, by State:

The link above gives a comprehensive list to EVERY university in these united states. I click on each and every school looking to see what degrees they offer to see if any need the services of my company. In doing this i have come to find Majors and Degrees I never knew existed in life. As a college drop out/wash out it's fairly disheartening work. I mean school really wasn't for me once I reached the collegiate level, but that could have partly been do to what my major was. I was 18 and desperate to make my mark in the world of Literature. So like any starry eyed 18 I dreamed bigger then sensible. I decided to become a CREATIVE WRITING MAJOR (all in all the most pointless degree offered in any major university at the time). After 2 semesters I knew I was doomed. How was I expected to focus on schooling when my future degree would achieve me nothing more then turning around and being a Professor of  creative Writing. I mean, I had been WRITING CREATIVELY since Jr High. What exactly was I expecting college courses to do for me?
Well going state by state degree plan by degree plan I have come to find other degrees I possibly could have sunk my 18 year old teeth into. I have come to find the newest seemingly easiest and most offered degree in the land currently is a BA in Sports Management. Yes, at the rate these colleges are going we will have FAR more Sports Agents then athletes. What all these new agents fail to realize is the degree they have is no more useful then any basic business degree  they could have gotten from any other school in the nation. It's just the idea of being part of the billion dollar sports industry that brings so many kids to the table. Now at least the Sports Management individuals can say their degree has some sort of point. My new personal favorite is a combo degree that has been popping up every now and again during my search. I'm speaking of the individuals who major in RHETORIC and splice it together with a minor in FOLKLORE. Yes, now that is a combo I could have really invested my time in. Rhetoric plain and simply is the art of bullshitting. You spend your time writing and/or reading papers, articles, all sorts of literature and make it seem more important then it is if produced by you and rip it apart when produced by others. It's the American way afterall. Now take your useless rhetoric degree and add a side of folklore which is basically the art of story telling and you have yourself a humdinger of a BA. If only the younger me had found this offering I'd be sitting here falling asleep doing the same thing I'm doing now, but with a degree in BULLSHIT to make myself feel much smarter then I really ever was. Oh well, you live you learn

Best way to deal with sadness.... HUMOR

  Think about it people, we ALL feel pain. We are human it's just how it is. Of course pain travels deeper then just our species. All intelligent life feels loss, knows scorn, and can express pain. PAIN is universal. What makes we humans truly unique are the ways we find to deal with this widespread emotions. As far as pain and sadness go my favorite cure all is most definitely HUMOR. Laughter can definitely heal the soul, the problem is the healing doesn't happen in the time we impatient creatures want. With a bit more patience and a lot more laughter most difficult spots in life could be a bit breezier for us all. Wise men once said LIFE'S A PIECE of SHIT when you look at it. Truer words have never been spoken. Life is shit; and shit OFTEN happens. Yes, that being said LIFE is happening all around us. Why focus on the bad, with so many opportunities to experience the world GOOD and BAD swirls around us at all time? So if you take every opportunity to laugh it seriously restricts the moments you have left to cry. You see the trick isn't to try and force sadness out of your life. Without PAIN you can never truly understand true joy. 

  Pain never equals love, no matter what the freaks may say. Pain is truly the absence of happiness or is Happiness the absence of pain? Well either way they go hand in hand and LOVE is nowhere to be found in there not even the middle. Of course I've lost all sense of where I was going with this....LIKE ALWAYS but the gist of the story is.... SMILE through the pain. Sorrow is temporary, Laughter helps, humor heals, and friends are a guiding light through the sorrowful fog. So when feeling down and truely low do your best to find a laugh in the misery. So your woman left you and took the dog, well that's ok fucking thing only had a month to live anyway. You can't get a date with the guy you've always wanted?  Fuck it you hear he has a little dick anyway. Car won't start and you are on your last legs with you job? No biggie, you hate everyone there anyway; and besides you are tired of pissing in the boss' coffee cup anyway. 

Reasons to kill

Cyanide & Happiness #2848 - Explosm.net:

'via Blog this'

This one just had to get Shared

Top 10 Lies Men Tell Women

Top 10 Lies Men Tell Women | Love + Sex - Yahoo! Shine:

Relationships are difficult and lies only make it worse. It's a basic lesson that everyone should learn. Why don't we all just tell the truth from the very beginning? Honestly I wish I knew the answer myself it would have saved me a lot of grief in this life. Frankly lies seem to break down into a few basic categorical reasons as to why they are told.


First lie group: We really just don't want to deal with the consequences. Either we fucked up, did something really stupid or the question has an answer that there is NO WAY IN HELL the person asking really wants to hear. No man woman or child will ever tell the fat chick that YES YOU LOOK LIKE A  PIG IN THE SKIRT. Who would tell her that? No one who cares about here. 
Second lie group: Honestly we just forgot what the hell you are talking about so we will simply agree just to move on. Yeah, you know the times where the argument has gone far too long and you just want it to come to an end. At this point your numbing brain agent kicks in and any response after that moment is complete and utter autopilot. This doesn't make you a liar its more akin to lack of listening then to purposely deceiving anyone. 
Next lie group: We are plain and simply conflicted with what our real answer is. You know what there really are questions that deserve proper answers, but guess what if you press us and pressure us to hurriedly give you a response frankly what comes out is straight bullshit. If we tell you we need to some time to really figure out what the problem is ourselves you better believe thats the truth. If you demand the truth when YOU WANT IT what you will get is nothing more then a quick fabrication of what we may believe is a possible truth though its not the true thing. 


So with all that being said all lies aren't meant to harm and all liars aren't necessarily evil. Plain and simple sometimes life is too confusing to truly understand. Now does that make these lies anymore right NO. Don't get me wrong I know lies are never right. As they say the TRUTH will SET YOU FREE, but freedom always come at a high price. So if I've ever lied to you in the past present or future I must sincerely apologize for my lack of tact, wisdom and knowledge.  I'm striving to become a better man with each passing day, but during my travels you need to believe I do the best I can. 

Sound Advice

How to live a glorious life? Its simple do right by others and in the end right will come to you.  It's more then just Karma it should be common sense. Sad thing is Common Sense stopped being COMMON a long time ago.  So that being said I'm sure there are some definite steps to ultimate happiness. 

Wiser words have never been said

So with that being said I guess the ultimate question comes down to, how does one become a good person. It should be simple to do, but often this life leads you astray. I guess the best thing you can do is not let the little messes of life ruin your journey. If you are truly in it for the long haul you have to accept the small things and move on. Focusing on what troubles you in the moment only makes the obvious resolution cloudy.  Once your solutions become cloudy your intentions enter a fog, and that fog can make you do ridiculous things.  

So for the best chance of leading a good existence I suppose steering clear of that fog would be the best thing you can do for not only your mental health, but the health of your very soul.  Yes as Jewel asked "who will save your soul?" Well I'm telling you, NO ONE. Your soul is strictly up to you. Take care of it and do right by it. The better you treat others the more your soul shines. The brighter you shine the better you make this world. Our planet is full of dim lights, a bright soul brings forth the lights of others. If we all could just do right we would once again be mistaken as a star not just a planet of dread. So this is a call to return the world into the light of love and happiness. No more fighting, hate and dread.  We have the power to change things for the better, small steps one bright soul at a time. I've had some scrapes along the way, but I assure you in my life this light has strengthened in time. How strong is your light? Your soul does it gleam bright? If your answer is no then I suggest you come up with a way to help it grow more powerful this very night.

GOOD NIGHT WORLD

World of Puppets

You think you have control? You think you have a say so? Your thoughts are your own. Your actions were decided by you and yourself alone. Well keep dreaming buddy because someone else always has a say. Be it a higher power or a louder counterpart you are never truly free. Freedom is an illusion provided by the one who TRULY owns you. No society is free because ultimate freedom would most likely lead to ultimate destruction (at least that's what been programmed into us by the true power who ushers in such thoughts). Even speaking as I am now maybe nothing more then an illusion of freedom. Freedom of speech is only as FREE as allowed. Don't believe me. Start writing for an international agency about any world leader and you will quickly find so called Freedom having a pretty hefty PRICE. Free is never free as somewhere down the line someone has had to or will have to pay for said freedoms. 

Truth be told we are most likely entering an extremely grey zone of reality which will never be made clear to us until after we separate permanently from this world. The hows and the whys maybe answered at the end of this journey, but frankly even that has yet to be made truly clear to us. No matter your faith, belief, religious or otherwise; we at no time in this LIFE will we ever know what the real picture and point of everything was. It's incredible for any one person to say they have figured out what people have spent generations trying to find out. I'm not saying it can't be done (most religious scriptures say that for me), but it's hard for me to believe that it will be done anytime soon. That being said if you know something I don't I'm more then willing to listen, but don't be surprised when I open it up into a lively debate just to verify your apparent credibility. 

negative thoughts lead to a negative post with negated results

Negative energy begets negative energy. Pain can bring about strength, but inflicting pain upon others does nothing but shows weakness. In order to feel powerful deciding to tear others apart is the sorriest move one can make. That being said, it proves to be the move made most often from what I've observed. I'm not saying its everyone's experience, but I know for a fact its been experienced by many.
Why do we do these hurtful horrible things? Some say its just human nature, but if that were the case we humans would've been doomed as species from the start. Doing nothing but the worse would bring on the most destructive results, and looking at life as a whole it could seem that's exactly what's being done. Of course if this were true 100% of the time things would definitely be worse off. More Violence More Beatings More Assaults (okay, I know all those things are the same) just plain MORE.

End of the World as we know it

Ok tried out the whole hangout thing and it just gives me flashbacks to chat rooms of the past. Sad thing is for the most part google+ hang outs that are public are full of perv middle eastern guys trying to talk young (11-14) girls to get semi naked for them. Or trying to show off their dicks to the masses. I don't know why i thought it would somehow be different then every other chatroom, but the young factor is beyond disgusting. Clicking into a room I shouldn't have to exit out instantly after seeing either 12 year old titty or 40 year old brown dick. Its disgusting. Really wish google would monitor the rooms. I mean they have their name all over it. Why create something to help pedophiles gain access to young children internationally? Oh well guess I should take it as a social experiment and just see how far our society is plunging at this point. Happy for 2 things...1. I know not to go trolling the PUBLIC ROOMS and 2. Just happy I have not come across a single relative being sucked into this nasty shit on EITHER SIDE. 


I love all things GOOGLE but the "HANGOUT" may end up being a feature I feel they could've left for just BUSINESS COLLABORATION. 

A little twitter wisdom

Happiness is a drug & once you get your first pure hit of it you spend the rest of your life searching for your next fix. -- Dustin B (@dustinnbutler)

Consumerism constant

Walk the aisles to find your future. No worries it's in here somewhere. This is what moves the planet. The forces we fail to explain in science are often understood in greed. The color of money has stained into our very souls. It's the root of all evil for a reason. Sadly we can't escape it for being without it makes life impossible to live. Without success measured by cash flow is the success really worthy  of the title? Not in this world & as much as we would love to change it we haven't the power to do so. The power belongs to the wealth & none with it would ever devalue it. I'd take a vow of poverty but my views on wealth based success had already doomed me where no vow is necessary.

Good saturday..gotta love freebies

Good saturday..gotta love freebies
Originally uploaded by Dustaquarius

No worries

Yes kiddies I'm still living. Don't worry you haven't gotten rid of me yet. I have plenty of things to speak of and as always my mind is going a mile a minute. The problem simply is with all this crazy swirling around and in me when am I supposed to find the time to write these thoughts down? Hmm decisions decisions. I think i'll go ponder that while i stare blankly into space. You all have a lovely evening won't you 

Life with no net

How are we to live when all we do seems to bring about our destruction? Thats just a question it's on everyone of us to find the answer

Love of Cali Sports

I'm sure most feel the same about theirs but I LOVE MY STATE. I especially love it during any professional sports season. What's not to love. We are LOADED. You wanna catch some football? You got Niners, Raiders, and Charges. All decent in their own way (Raiders still live mostly off of history but hey it's one hell of a history right?).  Baseball: Dodgers, Padres, Giants, Angels and my personal favorite the A's. No it doesn't bother me the best thing about the A's this days are the RIVERCATS; hey they make Sacramento worth visiting. Hockey: Kings, Sharks and Ducks (So what they were named by Disney you gotta admit the newer stuff features some bad ass looking ducks or well feet). Oh and of course Basketball: Lakers, Clippers, Kings & Warriors. This playoff run for the Clippers was quite impressive I mean they are STILL the CLIPPERS people stop being cynical that they didn't make it all the way save that disgust for the LAKERS hahaha
Well Baseball is still marching on but my thoughts have already turned to football too bad I'm not a live or die Cali football guy. Sorry, my heart has been an EAGLE since the days of "Why Pass?" Cunningham. I just know I'm looking forward to see what this year will bring. Niners in the superbowl? Raiders with an actually winning record? Charges officially spontaneously burst into flames and sell off all their talent at the trade deadline?  Only time will tell, but I just can't wait.

Ever feel like causing destruction

When things get rough and nothing goes your way. A curse word is a powerful thing. Think about it; you're late for work, you burned your toast, locked your keys in the house and your cellphone has no service. A well placed fuck makes for a great stress reliever.
Whenever you feel troubled lay out some fucks on the double.
- a look inside the mind of D -

It's here

It's here
Originally uploaded by Dustaquarius

Now that's how it's done

If you are going to curse do it right people.


So give up the fucks shits and asses and give Nos Varatoos Dominus a try why don't you.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Praise like yesterday

Been putting some serious thought into. Have no problem with religion. Religion and faith are good things, but how people go about praising I often call into question. Mainly the fact that for most praising their god/savior/healer/guide becomes a chore the older one gets. At least until true OLD AGE hits then the faith is rejuvenated as one comes to accept how close they are coming to the end of their days on this mortal plain. So what of these middle years? I think its quite simple. Praise like you did in childhood. 
Now I know that's hard for some to hear. Most adults often discount childhood beliefs as uninformed and juvenile leanings based on what parents taught, and at times that can be true. But like most things in life you'd be pretty ignorant to lump everything into one category. I think of my childhood, I was raised in religious schools IN SPITE of my parents lack of visible faith. Father has never been a church goer and mom didn't become truly involved in church until I was in high school. So why send me to private christian school since the start of schooling? Better education has always been the answer I've been given. Well during that education I learned a lot about myself, my world, and my faith. Every week having a school wide praise session was the most natural thing to me. It felt more real then sitting in church with a preacher spouting the gospels at me. I spent weeks being TAUGHT the gospels then singing songs of praise before weekends at home away from church school. Some find that extreme but I found it refreshing. It became a part of my life. Now I'm not saying all religious school kids had the same experience as me. Some hated every moment others LOVED the lessons a little too much (sorry, I love the bible I love the lord I love being taught but i HATE being told contradicting things based on teachers prejudices. BE A FISHER OF MEN we were taught but then also taught not to associate with GAYS, NON BELIEVERS, and Any other SEEDY INDIVIDUALS). I feel my life experiences combined with church school lead to the proper teachings of what faith SHOULD BE in my eyes. I don't go to church every week because frankly my church experience was never great. (A room full of people with holier then thou attitudes, a preacher driving a luxury vehicle when the church is falling apart around him, being asked to give all of what little you have to the church not to necessarily help others in the world but make the church more comfortable while people outside the doors struggle and suffer).  
I ask of you this. Find a child. Ask them what they believe. Children all have core beliefs even if they are too young to understand what they really are. I'm sure the most prevalent idea you'll hear is we are just suppose to be nice to each other. That gets lost in a lot of religious teaching. As we grow older the idea of kindness towards ALL goes away. You shake your head, but I can point out many instances where your holy niceness fades into the background, especially when faced with something you don't understand and refuse to accept. So I want to go back to the days when HE HAD THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HAND when JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW FOR THE BIBLE TOLD ME SO to the days of love and peace for all and as long as you love the world and love your God that's the only thing you needed to know and understand for eternal happiness. 

Laugh already

Laughter is the cure to misery. That's easy to say, but the trick is finding a way to laugh when you are truly miserable. Good jokes are hard to come by. Humorous storytellers are few and far between. Funny movies lose their luster on repeat. So this is the quest I've dedicated myself to. I vow to find humor in all the small places. I'll let you know if I find it.

What I locate I'll happily put up HERE.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Whistle while you Work

What does it take to make one truly happy when it comes to how their living is earned? Is it about the cash in your pocket? The love of what you do? Maybe your ultimate goal is to be surrounded by good people and serve the public in a special fulfilling way. 

I suspect its all of the above, sadly I have yet to find that perfect necessary mix for myself. No, instead I go from one dead end to another dead end which are disguised as GOOD JOBS by the simple fact they offer decent medical benefits or vacation time. Benefits and time off DO NOT make a good job. Yes they are lovely perks, but if every minute of every day is a new type of hell then maybe just maybe that isn't the place for you. When management is TOO HARSH or TOO SPINELESS that isn't the place to be. When every coworker is lazy at BEST then maybe that's not the place to be. No matter where you work you must learn to take some bad with the good, but when the goods are far and few between and the bad is a constant stream of crap you have to wade through then that's not the place to be. So do I have the ultimate secret? Do I know how to find employment happiness? Hell to the NO, if I did I'd be happily retired on a beach somewhere already. I suppose starting your own business and being your own boss is the best way to go, but sadly that is a lot trickier then working for THE MAN and frankly the man knows it. Face it people corporate and Non-corporate America has the lowly average worker by the balls (or the clit for the female staffers). 

Nothing left to do but crack open a brew and drink it down for an hour or two

Humor and Blasphemy go hand and hand

This holiday brings so much to be mocked. We all know the true reason for the holiday (savior rises freeing mankind from original sin and eternal damnation), but why the bunnies the candy and all the damn eggs? Well to bring the cynical masses a chance to mock the righteous masses....


And mock they do. So much of this holiday has been bogged down with the silliness that in mass appeal Christmas is seen as more powerful a holiday. That's fine and all, but with no Easter we have no eternal life. A savior being born is great, but why neglect the day he initiate the Saving.
All that being said there are some creative and/or humorous views on the day floating out there. Zombie Jesus is a powerful image that I find interesting. I mean it should be upsetting, but dead for days, rises and in doing so saves the world. That's a pretty badass image that's hard to explain or capture, but a non flesh eating zombie saving the day, or all eternity as it were, is pretty freaking amazing and a SyFy movie waiting to happen. I'm just saying.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Is what it is

Nothing goes as planned, but plans are made and plans often are broken. You want to know what else can be broken quite easily? A skull. A skull bashed against a wall breaks quite easily. That's just the way the world works. One solid surface will always claim victory over hollow shells. Don't be that shell. Fill your mind with knowledge so your skull can be the rock that bashes through the barriers of injustice.


Eat drink and be merry really that's all you can do. Enjoy in the spoils of this world as they are the limited joys provided to you. Why waste time being unhappy, when happiness is all the rage. Why fight releasing your true nature, why lock up your desires in a self made cage. Now I'm not saying everyone should do as they feel. We all know what's right vs what's wrong. This advice is mainly focused on each of us being real. Recognize who you are instead of what others would wish you to be. Yeah things aren't always great in life, but if you are happy within yourself you could live in your own joyous land of me.



Play the hand that life deals you. Their is no need to fold. This isn't a game of winners and losers. This is just a game of whether you die young or die old. Without knowing your conclusion there proves no point in always taking the most cautious path. If you don't know your expiration date then none of us knows how long the thrill of the game can last. Life is full of ups and downs highs and lows ebbs and flows. So just come along for the ride enjoy the wave take in the show.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Still going

May not be safe but I still keep going. Frankly I challenge the ideas of what's deemed "work appropriate" and who's job it is to determine. I understand every conversation should stay work related to be considered professional, but what if your work environment has real trouble staying proper in itself. Recognize I've seen some of the most ridiculous things done by so called management that it's hard to take what they feel is appropriate seriously. These managers are the same people that do things with their little bit of power that would have them railroaded out of town in other positions. Bosses who use blatant favoritism for all personnel decisions and overlook those who deserve greater opportunities. Managers who turn blind eyes to basic injustices inflicted on low level employees. Managers who view hourly employees like some kind of insects to be avoided. These shitty examples of humanity have the nerve to turn around and question our actions though. That just pisses me off on so many levels. Problem is no matter how pissed you may get there is just no changing it. This is just how working life is. Especially now that the Global economy has tanked, anyone working outside the protections of unions or government law are just damned to deal with stupidity inflicted on them by big business that couldn't give less of a damn about them.


If only life were as easy as comics. Then and only then would we have real power. Well until that day we must suck it up and deal, but when the revolution finally comes I'll happily lead a force into battle. We are the real 99% not some college kid camping on a lawn. Talk to a 20 year vet of the customer service game who is keeping them down and I'd doubt wall street would be at the top of their list. The supervisor who denied their vacation so the sup's cousin could go with them to Vegas would most likely be at the top of the list.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Its Drawing near

 The smiles will be short lived. The time is approaching. We at this point are unsure of the cause or what will spread the virus/infection/doomsday disease, but we do know one thing; when the time comes each and everyone of us need to be prepared for battle. As much as we love the idea of teaming up to fight a common enemy this grim tomorrow will invoke the rule "SURVIVAL of the FITTEST". And no I'm not talking runner and health nuts will be best suited for the disaster. You can only run so long from impending doom in all honesty.  (@pavementrunner: Love you man but a steady 10k will only save you so long when the undead come to feast on that ass).  The day is approaching, the question is will you or any of us truly be ready. Been watching Doomsday Preppers and as far as I can tell these people are ready to kill, but sadly they don't have the sense to realize what they'd be killing for. So many guns and so much food stocked up for fear of the unknown. What people fail to realize a shot to the head of  angry undead is harder then it sounds when all the wild shit goes down. So as time approaches and a movie like horror befalls us no man woman or child is safe. No religion that involves us can save you from the horrors that are to come. I write this not to scare but simply prepare. Not like these psycho preppers ready to kill their cat if it threatens their food supply. No prepare your mind body and soul for what will be needed when the time comes. The infection will spread to all those around. Your dog will be a hound of hell, your Nana will bey at the moon like a Killer Clown (MCL all day everyday since '95 baby baby). Craziness has surrounded us since the beginning of time, you'd think we'd be used to it, but this is a new level of crazy. Movies glorify the insanity, but if its even a quarter as bad as even the dumbest gorefest society as a whole wouldn't know what to do. 

. 

So keep smiling ladies
Keep your safety dreams alive
The end is approaching you quickly
When the first dead rises and the biting, tearing, gnashing of teeth begins you will read these words and fall in line my friends.
In order to survive we do whatever we can to stay fresh cheerful and alive.

some things worth saying

Power in words. 
Power in context
Read between the lines to see the hidden truth
Truth is freedom and with freedom comes responsibility
Responsibility is the backbone of adulthood
The sharply pointed backbone we all must endure and embrace though it's never as easy at it seems
Responsible people lead responsible lives, but what kind of existence is that
Huge mistakes lead to HUGE life lessons
To live is to learn 
Life's lessons are what makes the living worth it
So i'll take my lessons take this life and embrace the mistakes of the past to ensure a brighter more educated future. 

Continues...

Can't sleep. World of doubt infesting my brain. Big things need to happen and no longer looking for a vague time table. This week. The end of this week. Close of March must bring us, ME, positive changes. Nothing small and meaningless, no, I demand major overhaul to the path on which I currently stroll. This isn't my life. This is an illusion of the here and now I've stumbled upon. This isn't me. This is an imposter pretending to be someone I never intended to be. My direction, meaningless, was to be onward and upward more forward then back. So why look back on yesterday with hopes of tomorrow. No repeats, no more do overs. Play it again Sam is played out. A new tune needs to be pushed forward on this jukebox of life. Everywhere there is pain. No, misery does not follow me. Emptiness, blahs and HO hums are the name of this game. Tired of being numb to an ever drearier world. Thoughts of a better tomorrow propels me forward into the void, but all I see before me is more grays. Grey, damned be American English, is the color of the world. Nothing has ever truly been all black and white. So why be surprised with so much horror in our day to day reporting. Murder Death Kill scream the headlines. Injustice Cruelty Intolerance are growing ever stronger. Everyone preparing for the end of times which the Good Book says cannot be prepared for. If we are to meet our end why allow such negativities to exist. Why keep the hatred game going. Why not love your fellow man as well as yourself. Why not? It's simple, we aren't wired that way. So maybe to escape the horror the boredom the grays that's what I'll need to do with my week. Time to rewrite myself and in turn help rewire the world. Majore change coming and it starts with the individual.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Speaking on speech well Text

Smile like you mean it
When I say mean it I MEAN IT
What does that mean?
Am I just being MEAN?
Or maybe I'm demanding you find my meaning through meanness?

I demand a lot of my reader. My mind is wired differently then most. My words have deeper meaning then most, but getting to the point is the trick to the puzzle that is me. I can go on for days about what's troubling me but sadly if I don't focus these thoughts it could take months to decipher. I apologize for the trouble but assure its worth the journey. I try and make it sensible, but then i realize nothing in this world is altogether SENSIBLE. What seems logical or sensible often when looked upon with fresh eyes are either flawed or heartless. We are not logical beings. Mechanized beings of logical computations we are NOT. So, that being sad, I've decided to write on PURE EMOTION. Emotions are crazy free radicals that shall not be contained. They flow from me like water over Niagara's edge. So why change my natural inclinations to fit in some mold I never have nor never will understand? So with that being said I simply do what I feel and what I feel is SURE MADNESS.  

Picture worth a thousand words

The kid was murdered. It WAS racialy motivated. The authorities dropped the ball and EVERYONE needs to be held accountable.
Sadly nothing changes. The South is still the south and the world still runs on RACISM.

Enough Said

- a look inside the mind of D -

Sports Talk

Loving all the drama in the last week of Sport. D Howard drama was all for naught. Manning found a new home in Denver which means Tebow time has to hit the road. 49ers loaded up for Manning, only to be denied, so now the pressure is on Alex Smith to preform Manning-esque (newly loaded WR core means no more excuses). During all the lovely drama of Manning one of the best receivers of the past Decade (14 years exactly) has called it quits after the team he gave his all for quit on him. Love it or Hate it the NFL has long ago stopped being a league of loyalty. Unlike the NBA, which is more often players betraying the teams/city that helped build them up, the NFL owners are quick to dump their aging pieces no matter how much blood and sweat that former star left on the field. Glad Hines called it quits once cut, but sad that wasn't given the opportunity to show what he's still got left.
Of course let us not forget the grand sport of Baseball getting ready to kick off the new season. Not sure what to expect this year, but I do know it's going to be a great year and though a die hard A's fan I may be forced to head to Angels' stadium just to see a future hall of famer (Puljos) swing for the fences.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Search goes on

Is it me or is the new economy still messing with those trying to strive more so then survive. Looking out for something better has me feeling like I've been labeled...


Applications go out calls come in. I suit up put on the charm, get them laughing, get them thinking, have them excited and then.....NOTHING. Is it me? Is it them? Am I the wrong height, weight, maybe wrong CoLoR? I am so not sure what it is, but I do know it needs to stop. I'm at the point I'm trying to succeed and grow not just for me, but for a hopefully growing family. I can't keep dicking around in the nowhere BS positions. These new opportunities that I know I can prosper at need to start going somewhere. These wonderful words contained on this blog bring no cash flow and sadly that's all that matters in this world. So my money making skills need to be exploited at this juncture, but with these go nowhere interviews SoCal has awarded me money isn't flowing as nice as it should be. My blast from the past position is a fun reminder of youth, but sadly the pay was better in my 20s then it is now in my 30s (now which political party am I supposed to blame for that again? Oh that's right BOTH! Down with the 2 party system time for some bipartisan change in America!). So what's a boy to do. That's right, Man up & Deal. So that's just what I'll do. Maybe a new approach to the interviews in order. Any suggestions?
Bring fresh baked cookies
Flirt with all available interviewers (female or male)
Bath in soothing fragrances
liE Lie LIE

- a look inside the mind of D -

What will next season bring?

So what straight men watch glee out there?





And if so do u watch it for them? Or is it just the music?.....



Oh who are you kidding, of course it's because of them.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Spreading the word

No not the gospel. Those teachings will forever be spread no my children this is the teachings of the Sinfest.




The one and only Mr Ishida is a Comic and comic genius who has had me checking his site daily for the past few years no problem.



Sunday or as I call it "PRETTY COLOR PANEL DAY" is the most fun, but the weekday story lines are the backbone of his works.


I say check them out you won't be disappointed

- a look inside the mind of D -

Have a coke and a smile

Sound advice ahead.....




Heading to the doctor to figure out what's the issue. Waking up everyday feeling off kilter. Not quite yourself. Friends inform you that you've changed, but this transformation is a mystery to you. So what do you do, how can you come to grips with the oddity your life has become. It's simple really; accept what has happened and work it to your advantage. Things change for a reason and if your so called "people" can't deal then that is their issue not yours. As a wise man once said;

"Tell them to have a Coke and a Smile and to suck my dick".

RIP Richard you truly where the greatest.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Chatter

First come first serve it's always about the race winner for to win you must have ran the hardest. But is that really true. I'm sure plenty in the pack ran hard. Does that mean their hard work was pointless? So the winners stride is a little longer then third place, does that mean the genetics of the third place finisher just didn't work hard enough. These are the questions that come to mind when I see people run for sport. It's so subjective. My genetics weren't made for running. No matter how hard I train I will NEVER be a world class runner? Does that mean my hard work would be less important then a naturally gifted runner? You now what I'll stick to sitting on my couch and enjoy my fat-Assery.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Positive Reinforcement for negative people

So often in this world good deeds go unnoticed and every bad act becomes the definition of a person. Be it at school, work, or at home with family; we've come to expect the worse and fail to appreciate the best. This has become the most horrible modern day fact of humanity. We fail to see the good and only reflect on the bad. Well I say NAY to that and NAY to my acceptance of this fact. 31 years on this planet has taught me one thing, never expect things to change if you are unwilling to change them yourself.


So I from here on out plan to be a more positive person. Not only that I shall reinforce the positivity when I communicate with others. Honesty is great, but generous honesty is much better. So if knowing you has added any kind of blessing to my life I will happily let you know. True friends often don't know how amazing their friendship or beneficial the knowledge of them have been to others. So let them know sometimes it's best to do more then just show. If you are reading this then you my friend have had a keen affect on my life. Whether you LOVE or HATE my mind as long as you considered them I'm proud to call you buddy, pal, friend, and/or colleague.

- a look inside the mind of D -

the recipe above is for all who enjoy tasty spirits. Please enjoy responsibly, or not,as long as you ENJOY!

Word works

Imagine a world with no vivid images. Nothing to capture the eye no Imagination to be used no dreams to be ignited. Life being nothing more then a vacuum of the same old thing on constant repeat. That is the thing my nightmares are made of. A world just waiting for a thinker a dreamer a true artist to come a long and change things.
So the true question is what type of Art it would take to right this world. Pictures Sounds or simply words strung together to make the mind active? My money is on the written word as it can be an integral part in ALL creative medium.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Sega once and for all

Flashback time
Start of the new millennia and I'm more addicted to my seta then ever. I'm a proud member of the dreamcast family and I spend my day on two things... Soul Calibur and JET GRIND RADIO. Well today Sega has teased me with the blast from my not so distant past. Jet Grind Radio will be available again fairly soon and whatever it takes I'll be playing it once more. Oh how I miss my dreamcast and my host of overlooked games. If only I hadn't ditched it during a rough point in my life. Oh for the love of game if only I had remained strong.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Children are our future

Every generation fears the next and mine is no different. We all feel like bad asses in our youth, from the preppiest of preps to the honest deadly thugs. We are invincible and no one dare mess with us. Sad fact is youth truly is something to fear for it knows no better then itself. With age comes wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge + respect for the unknown. Youth lacks that respect and frankly that's the most dangerous part about it





the truth of the matter is we live in a fucked up world full of fucked up people. I have hope for the future, but at times it feels like a false blind hope.
- a look inside the mind of D -

End is near

The end is near. The time is approaching. Cities will fall. Buildings crumble under the weight of impending doom. Nothing can be done. The game has long been won. We battled with nature to assert our opposable thumb dominance. Well as prideful as we were nature has seemed humble, but in fact she is crafty and calculating. She knew from the start the war was hers. The battles have been mixed, but the war was won at the dawn of time.



- a look inside the mind of D -

The Blogger is back

My beloved app had long been a no show, but that has all change my friend. She's back and better then ever and you know what that means.
I'm Back in Business BITCHES.
Another year into my 30s and trust I have plenty left to say. So be it tonight tomorrow or next week these rants these sermons my preaching is here to STAY!


- a look inside the mind of D -

Location:HOME,Bellflower,United States

Smiles Smells Stress and other mess that begins with S

Tired and unaware of the troubles wafting on the air.
Things are never quite as they seem upon further inspection.
Taking a deeper look into the void of this life walking down the slippery slope being careful not to trip. What more can be done be asked what else is in store of us here? More fun and joy or more pain and sorrow. These are the questions of the day to day. Never really know never really going or understanding of why it is what it is and why won't it ever change?

Fresh Start

Need a new beginning. Need a different existence. New job New Location New Friendships just plain NEW ME. Want things different quick fast and in a hurry.
While there is nothing wrong with my current existence it's just become blatantly obvious I want No I NEED more. The question is How to Get It. Ah yes there's the Rub.

Wash away yesterday

Drown your sorrows away with whiskey and regret or maybe with hope and pale ale. Whatever the day brings just enjoy that tomorrow will never come along faster than needed. We all have needs and when they are not met that's when life truly puts us to the test.

U gotta change

Time has come and gone yet you remain the same.
Time has past you bye, why is it like this you choose to stay?
Your loved ones told you the truth, couldn't you hear it through their tears?
They weren't trying to control you my friend, they simply spoke out of fear.
They fear the direction you were going and the path you chose to take.
They feared those you surrounded yourself with, they all knew those characters were fakes.
Your best interest they had in mind when they pulled out that gun.
Those who don't care just run and hide, but your family are the feeling ones
They feel the pain of the zombie bite and the disease coursing to your brain.
For this epidemic there is no cure and that bullet is the only way.
Don't bite at them Don't fight and most of all don't scream.
The cries from your undead mouth is horrific and will already haunt your families dreams.
So don't question your wife taking aim and why your brother loads that gun. Don't ask about your mothers tears while she be holds the sight of her zombified son. Yes the apocalypse is here the one so many have feared, and you dear friend are an early victim I warned you of the look on that dog who bit you on the rear. So now my brother you are going down I'll put you down myself my son. We must end this humanely and quickly my friend thank God we all are packing big guns!

Game On

Tomorrow is the day the bay has been waiting for. San Francisco back in the conference championship. It'd been a long time since those days. No steve young No jeff garcia, now is Alex Smith's time.  The question that will be answered is will this  niner defense outlast Eli & his hot offense. Coughlin's boys chose the right time to get hot & by  hot I mean ON FIRE. so this could be THE game of the weekend, so the only question is where  will you be watching it.

Lets talk about sex

Then again we don't have to & just say we did, that's what works for most boys ages 11 & above.
Sex through the ages has been such a sensitive subject, which is odd as it's a most necessary part of life. I guess the issue is with every passing generation the talk becomes more & more free. Also the previous generation feels this free talk lacks substance. No matter how hip & trendy you strive to be the sex talk of the young will rub your older sensitivities the wrong way.
Not saying the older one gets the less sex will matter. It's just simply that with age the talk gets well old & the experienced would choose to just do. Don't need to hype up the marathon sessions or brag of the morning role play. Whips & Chains (or Viagra & Lube depending on the advancing of age) speak for themselves much more then tweets & status updates.
I guess the idea of subtly has become a lost art form & I for one miss the beauty of a double entendre.

Superbowl Anyone

Ok this was a truly great game but let's not get ahead of ourselves. The packers aren't going to roll over and just let the 9ers return to glory.
Of course if the Giants pull the upset tomorrow I'm sure the 49ers will stomp them on the way to the big game. Now as far as winning it all that's the tricky part.
Yes, the NFC was far better the AFC this year but let's not forget about the awesomeness that is Tom Brady. He's been there done that and proved himself repeatedly. After tomorrow I'll make my final picks as the Houston vs Ravens game is a bit of toss up. Both I feel are great but only the Ravens could unseat Tom and his Patriot army.

Internet as a weapon

The net is a dangerous place. The WorldWideWeb allows us to be our core selves and trust me that's not a good thing. The sweet girl next door is a mind raping hell slut behind closed doors when given the ultimate in web based freedom. That sweet church going boy from childhood has awaken his inner bitch slapping hell unleashing pimp when a private gateway to the world is left open. Doubt me all you want but I know far too well what the net can allow people to become. Parental locks do nothing more then slow the inevitable. The only way for it to change is if the idea of PRIVACY is permanently taken away. Of course Internet and privacy truly doesn't exist. If you put it online someone will see. More people then you'd think the problem is no one truly understands to what extent their privacy is a falsehood. We have all been exposed from the moment we first logged on. Yeah sure you may only check emails and never click a single ad, but what about your bestfriend you know the closet porn junkie. His exposure is YOUR exposure. It's a shame really. What started as the ultimate tool that was to unite the world has in turn endangered us all. We all seem to fear nukes and the threat of terrorism. Never recognizing the likely hood of our end being met by such means is so unlikely we might as all go play the lotto. So why stress the BIG stuff when it's the little things that have already guaranteed our early demise? I don't know but I do know 1 thing. You've read this blog log enough for me to access via your IP your Hard drive and your files including your browser history and frankly you should be ashamed of yourself

Wake up smiling...1 more month

Feel free to ask yourself the important questions in life like who was the first to combine chocolate and peanut butter or why can a whining cat match the sound of a crying baby but a yelping dog sounds like a tortured soul. Are dogs demons and cats some form of cherub angel. Lord I hope not cuz I've been known to kick a cherub then haha. Anyway those are just some of the things my mind comes up with when it gets time to reflect. That being said I think I'll watch some mind numbing television.
A month and a few days til I get another year into thirty. Still cool with thirties think I won't lose it until forty is upon me. Those days are a ways off at this point though. So until then I will wake up smiling and sleep with a grin.