introverted personality hiding a social butterfly

This is the best description of my personality that has ever existed. I have come to realize after years of saying the wrong thing I truly am not SHY. No i can and will talk with people therefore shy isn't a proper word to express my feelings.

Time to start sharing my Tumblr thoughts here

Have you ever been tempted while not being tempted? Surrounded by gorgeous women but knowing even if you were willing to succumb to the temptation you’d never have the balls to speak to them to get the ball rolling. My love life is the greatest of mysteries. I’ve spent a lifetime being shy and timid but somehow im far removed from virginity. That ship sailed, crossed the Atlantic, looted and plundered the natives. So that being said I always think to myself how? It doesn’t seem possible that I’ve gained so much experience, but to this very day if a woman I deem attractive would speak to me id freeze like a deer in headlights. 
I guess life is weird that way. Even though my past is still a mystery my future is pretty set. Fear of cheating goes out the window when just the thought leads to crippling guilt, and any attempt to want to speak with anyone with any physical beauty leads to dry mouth shortened breath and blank mind. Basically at the age of 33 I still respond the same way I did when I was 12. I don’t mind it though this lack of actions saves me from a lot of BS I see people go through.

how my mind works

Speak up to catch the ear of a crowded room. Unsure if everyone will understand what you are saying. Your thoughts are your own, but the emotions go deeper and this is what you are desperately attempting to convey. Everyone should be looking at you soaking your words up like sunshine. Your thoughts and feelings nourishing their bodies like the vitamin K they so desperately need though they are unaware of its importance. Thats right, your emotions are nothing more than the bastard vitamin to them. You crave to be their beloved C hell you’ll even take the second tier D or B-12. No not you, not today. You stand in the center of a crowd yet you’ve never felt so alone. Of course that is a lie, you’ve known this loneliness everyday since puberty. Of course you’ve connected with people here and there over the years, but your soul craves more. You were born to have an audience, legions of fans and admirers. People who hang on your every word like the morning sun radiates on a dew drop. You have lots to say, tons of ideas to be expressed. Writing helps however not knowing who’s reading is murder. Blurred faces in a sea of people, never knowing what is thought of the things you say. How can you change the world when you get no response? Your pulse is strong but your heart is weak. Aching for the day when finally your uniqueness, your quiet introspective view on all things strikes a cord and makes an audible difference in the lives of many. Until then all we do is write and hope.
  Feb 8 
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Story time

She walked down from the mountain. Purse full of goji berry heart full of wonder. She had a stride like a Clydesdale and hair like one too. Golden mane glistening in the autumn sun. She was like no one I had ever seen before. Beauty wasn't quite the word you would use to describe her. Her looks were something more. Something pure and enjoyable, just being in her presence felt like a blessing. To hear her voice was to be in the audience of a choir or angels. She was more than a woman, and the fact she was strolling down the path for me made me more than a man. I was a doomed man.
Perfection was never meant to be captured by man. Only the creator has the know how to maintain it. To try and harness the unthinkable force of her was unimaginable, however I knew I was fool enough to try. Who am I exactly? That's a good question. The answer may not be simple. Then again it probably is much easier than I'd like.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Time away

Took some time away to find my voice. Realize my scream has become but a whimper and the force of my pimp hand diminished to but a tap of a Pom Pom. Yes the end of the cool guy D is neigh (near for all you unread motherfuckers).


- a look inside the mind of D -