Continues...

Can't sleep. World of doubt infesting my brain. Big things need to happen and no longer looking for a vague time table. This week. The end of this week. Close of March must bring us, ME, positive changes. Nothing small and meaningless, no, I demand major overhaul to the path on which I currently stroll. This isn't my life. This is an illusion of the here and now I've stumbled upon. This isn't me. This is an imposter pretending to be someone I never intended to be. My direction, meaningless, was to be onward and upward more forward then back. So why look back on yesterday with hopes of tomorrow. No repeats, no more do overs. Play it again Sam is played out. A new tune needs to be pushed forward on this jukebox of life. Everywhere there is pain. No, misery does not follow me. Emptiness, blahs and HO hums are the name of this game. Tired of being numb to an ever drearier world. Thoughts of a better tomorrow propels me forward into the void, but all I see before me is more grays. Grey, damned be American English, is the color of the world. Nothing has ever truly been all black and white. So why be surprised with so much horror in our day to day reporting. Murder Death Kill scream the headlines. Injustice Cruelty Intolerance are growing ever stronger. Everyone preparing for the end of times which the Good Book says cannot be prepared for. If we are to meet our end why allow such negativities to exist. Why keep the hatred game going. Why not love your fellow man as well as yourself. Why not? It's simple, we aren't wired that way. So maybe to escape the horror the boredom the grays that's what I'll need to do with my week. Time to rewrite myself and in turn help rewire the world. Majore change coming and it starts with the individual.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Speaking on speech well Text

Smile like you mean it
When I say mean it I MEAN IT
What does that mean?
Am I just being MEAN?
Or maybe I'm demanding you find my meaning through meanness?

I demand a lot of my reader. My mind is wired differently then most. My words have deeper meaning then most, but getting to the point is the trick to the puzzle that is me. I can go on for days about what's troubling me but sadly if I don't focus these thoughts it could take months to decipher. I apologize for the trouble but assure its worth the journey. I try and make it sensible, but then i realize nothing in this world is altogether SENSIBLE. What seems logical or sensible often when looked upon with fresh eyes are either flawed or heartless. We are not logical beings. Mechanized beings of logical computations we are NOT. So, that being sad, I've decided to write on PURE EMOTION. Emotions are crazy free radicals that shall not be contained. They flow from me like water over Niagara's edge. So why change my natural inclinations to fit in some mold I never have nor never will understand? So with that being said I simply do what I feel and what I feel is SURE MADNESS.  

The nomad lives on

So I have now added the 562 to my list of lived area codes. this list seems to forever be expanding. Every few years I seem to find a new place to call home. I dream of settling, but a place to truly settle never comes. Why is that? Is it me or is it my locations? Am I just never satisfied in one place or do these places simply grow tired of me? I can never truly know. The people I encounter insure me I have made a difference in their lives. Frankly that is the ultimate goal of life, in my opinion, to reach out and positively affect as many lives possible. What better way to measure a life then in smiles and love? So though I'm forever passing through while I'm in that space it's best to be the best me I can be. So with that idea the best me I can be should breed nothing more then positivity correct?
- a look inside the mind of D -

Art as life

Let's talk about art shall we? Frankly what is art? Honestly no one knows. I personally dig street art, graffiti, and other creative acts. Problem is I'm goody two shoes enough to recognize the problems with vandalizing someone else's property. Think about it, no matter how cool something looks the person that painted, tagged, etched or demolished it into existence would probably be pissed if you came along and done the same thing to the largest wall of their house. Also Art is difficult because good looking things are deemed art, but what of the ugly. By definition all examples of self impression should be deemed art, however we as individuals have an inherent ability to dismiss anything we don't perceive as beautiful or things we don't understand. Every picture every five year old ever made should share the same walls of national museums along side Pollock or Van Gough, but that will never happen.




So I ask you, what is art and do you honestly like it?

Sky's the Limit

Cloudy days give way to sunshine tomorrow...


As longs as I think act and speak freely my life will be all it was meant to be. No more No less even with minimal effort. Now with troubles all over the planet crashing down upon us maybe it's time to find our higher purpose.
So how does one find their calling? It's simply really, figure out what excites you, fascinates you, or makes you think laugh or smile. Once that's discovered the trick is how to turn that passion into your cash cow. This sadly I have no idea on how to do. Wish I did but sadly I have no clue.

PC is for the birds

You know what I'm tired of sitting back and watching us all go through our days grasping on to the fake ass notion that polite is always right. When did this start back up again. I'm all for the anti bullying campaigns, bullies are annoying assholes, but when did stopping bullying become forming support groups? I remember when the best way to stop a bully was either kicking their ass or if you couldn't take them then you'd find someone who could. I mean a group of peers is nice and all, a bunch of bitches spouting about their feelings what fun, but peer groups are usually the cause of bullying not the solution; unless they are a mob of course.
Ok name calling is unnecessary and rather childish, but why is me using a name to describe a situation, NOT a person, such an issue now? Ok I get the "this is so Gay" remark is a problem as it defines a group of people. So fine gay as an insult goes out the window, but this whole you can't say Retarded is killing me. Now hear me out. The retard vs gay thing seems like the same issue, but there is a twist. A few years back it was drummed into our head retard is not to be used to describe any "Handicapped persons". Have we forgotten the PC of the past already. Little People not Midgets; Handicapped not Retarded; Republican not White land owning money grubbing devil spawn. Ok I kid I kid democrats are hell's minions too just to let you know.
All I know is the world needs some more open thinkers, and fewer whiny bitches. I'm so saddened by the fact years after we loose George Carlin we loose all sense of questioning what the masses deem right. What happened to not blindly following the herd? I don't know about you, but I refuse to be just another lemming being lead off the cliff.
If things keep going the direction they are going in the rules will change daily. You can not refer to anyone or anything by any word a passerby could possibly hear and take offense. Pretty soon no race will be defined by their pre defined race designation, I mean after all when you look at me I'm not black. Licorice is black I'm brown, and I'm not African Ive never been there in my life. Oh and the argument "that's where your people originally come from" can and should be thrown out the window. If we go by history and science books Africa is the cradle of all civilization. That being said then we are all AFRICANS you Neo-nazi fuckheads! So in the future I will not be defined as black except on the rare occasions where such a designation will benefit me; no, I am EstreetHaywardianOaklandBayArea-ite. After all that IS where I came from!
Yes they may be a mouthful, but I assure you anyone hearing the description should have to work real hard to try and take offense to any part of it. I mean in the end it's all about what others think about our own personal private thoughts that matters right? Oh I say FUCK THAT. No I don't want a future full of insensitive assholes, that is not what I'm going for, but I am asking for common sense to come back into fashion and basic inherit wisdom to play a larger part in all our daily lives.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Valley Views

Smelly loud hot and muggy
Hatred of people turns us all ugly
Old people driving endangering the roads
Young people trying to cope with everyday life being such a load
The days drag on into nights that are full of danger, never truly knowing what's in the hearts and minds of these nearby strangers
Need to escape this sloughs those hills this valley nothing more exciting then the possibility of being stabbed at a local bowling alley
Can we move on as far as way as possible
Feeling like suffering Job or maybe the plight of Riza you know the forgotten apostle


You see Riza lead a life of pain and suffering all while staying strong in the faith and the belief that when the Lord rose he too would be taken. Of course as Jesus ascended he went without a word he didn't even through up the deuces. So Ezra was left with an angry crowd of hangers on who he had informed he'd put in a good word with the man upstairs once he was gone. Yeah we knew saying such things where potentially blasphemous, but he didn't have the cash for the goats and the women he so desired all he had was his ties to the Holiest of Holy. Sadly holy doesn't look well upon false promises. So while other apostles became fishers of men Riza became one who sleeps with the fishes. What you didn't think mob rules applied back in the day? Oh please, it was a savage land and people hated being toyed with. So anyway as I write and you read I promise great things ahead, but what do I know. I live in the Valley no not A valley I'm talking THE Central Fuckin Valley the heart and soul of depression. This place is where misery is born and bread. How people can be born and raised here amazes me, but one thing is for sure, if I don't get out soon my mind will never recover.
LORD SAVE US FROM THY GEOGRAPHICAL ENFORCED PUNISHMENT. This is my prayer for salvation lord oh lord hear this prayer.



- a look inside the mind of D -

Take the good with the bad

Life is full of ups and downs, this we all know as truths. For ever good moment there is a bad one waiting around the corner and visa versa. Positivity brings about positive results and when it doesn't that's fine because you know someday it will.


Some call it delusional or living in denial. Well whatever you may call it, it definitely works for some though not all.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Get Up Stand Up

Know how to pick 'em.
You never truly know.
Know how to treat 'em.
In time the true colors most definitely show.

Another one for the books. A day like no other yet somehow like every one else. The days become a big blur of repeating madness. Its the same day in and day out and almost never as good as it should be. What is one to do with days like these? Its a Bill Murray nightmare I tell you but this ain't Scrooged. No my friends I'm most likely being screwed in the end by a big burly Sailor named LIFE. Yes its a vicious cycle of complete bad, but hope sees me through. Frankly what else can be asked for but that? That and the everyday drudgery of a life unfulfilled. Filling it won't take much, but sadly it takes time and money. Money which only comes slowly across the spaces of said time. So we wait. Wait for more or less... MORE positives less NEGATIVES. This is what life has brought along with a world of troubles, still I wait I hope and I wonder. I wait because I know this epic BS will never truly take me under.

Today or Tomorrow

Face the day as if there is no tomorrow....
So what will today bring? Anything on the agenda of what must be done anywhere near as crucial as equality? What is the measure of success when it comes to human rights? Some have strived farther then others. Watching a news report on what is similar about all 900 MLK jr Boulevards (besides the name of course) shows no matter how much things change often still they remain the same. Think about it, if anyone of your friends tell you they are lost and currently find themselves stranded on Martin Luther King jr BLVD what advice do you give them? That's right you tell them to get the hell off that street. It doesn't matter the city or state it just isn't the place you'd want to be(unless born and raised on the damn street, of course in that case you dream of getting out but often that never happens).
So as a product of the DREAM come true let me say this...
There are more dreams to be had!
Yes, the community the original dream was about has come a long way. Hell, a once thought impossible act came true in the last presidential election. The question I ask is why hasn't the dream been expanded. We have groups of people who get their rights denied on the daily, but we act as if it's not quite to as important.
Mental illness is still looked upon as the plague of the weak minded like it's still 1940. Yes we say we have come so much further, but have we really? No we don't strap them to tables and shock them anymore(so they say), but loading someone up with pills and sending them on their way isn't a treatment it's doping plain and simple.
Day in and day out homosexuality is still treated as a plague a curse or an unspoken unpleasantry. So day by day the more they speak of wanting to marry what do we do? Sweep them away with scripture or "moral" judgements. We are all about love and respect, but since their love is different then we refuse them the right to express their feelings to the world through a publicly recognized marriage.
Today is decent let's make tomorrow GREAT!
We as a country have come a long way in the battle for equal rights equal treatment equal EQUALNESS, but I say we can all do more. Be it today or tomorrow(titular line so pay attention HA!) change is still needed and progress still to come. We are dominating the battles against hate but believe me
the WAR has not yet been WON



- a look inside the mind of D -

they said what?!?!?!

"There maybe a limited amount of perfect breasts in this world but why should I allow the memory of mine be tainted once gravity gets a hold onto them?" - KD

"ya know... I've always said that when a person is right there on the edge of completely giving up god sends an angel to remind us why we're here...." - WC

"Ja Rule is going to jail for gun charges... i would of thought it would have been for MUUUUURRRRDDDDDDAAAAA" - BK

"What's that you say, Bed? Blanket is being mean to you again? Sounds like I need to separate you two. Good night..." - DH

"92% of Americans celebrate Christmas. That's 7% more than Americans who are Christian. So, if there ever was a war on Christmas, it's over. Christmas won" - ER

Pretty eventful week for the people in my life. As you can see I surround myself with an odd bunch. Some wise & deep others funny & insightful; I work hard to avoid the shallow and fake, but when you get right down to it I'm sure I have enough of those surrounding me as well. It has taken nearly 3 decades of living to accept this fact: I'm a SOCIAL BUTTERFLY! Yeah that's right I crave people around me all the time. All types of folks with all kinds of different backgrounds. Yes in my younger days I would chalk these feelings up to wanting to be a writer and needing the people i drew around me simply as case studies. You know real life characters to inspire my fictional ones, but as the years have past I have come to realize there is so much more to it then that.

No these surrounding souls are all part of a bigger picture of my life. Not just examples of what could be, but amazing proof of the amazing life that IS. No matter what you think of the people you encounter day to day know this "You make a difference in every life in some way no matter how small". As corny as that may sound to you I truly do believe in that fact. There is nothing further from the truth then that. You've heard of the butterfly effect? Well your day to day interactions with people BIG or SMALL is the tsunami of the soul the butterfly welled up. With each passing glimpse, cordial hello, or hand shake or hug changes were made whether you know it or not. All this being said is simply summed up as this. WE ALL MATTER to SOMEONE SOMEWHERE. Now having this bit of info is a great thing to have. No matter how down you can get or how alone you may feel at any given point just think on that fact. YOU MATTER and trust me all will become right. 

A glimpse inside the mind of D