Sick

First flu of the year and I must say it has been horrible. Body aches, chest congested, hard coughs, pounding head. Worst of all I passed on the fun to my loving wife. Needless to say she's not to happy with me. It's ok though I shall earn back her love with my awesome bedside manner. Of course I can only do so much as I'm feeling better, but still not 100% yet.


- a look inside the mind of D -

Change

World is changing day by day. We all learn to deal in very unique ways. You may run you may hide you may face it bravely knowing the Lord is on your side. Whatever you do stay true to yourself and handle as you see fit. All I can say is what I would do and how I feel to handle it best. More work happenings are attempting to drive me mad. All the changes and threats of change with no real follow through are setting out to make me mad. So ready for my big move my big change my new life. Working hard day by day to ensure the best for me and my wife. Yeah that's right when the good time comes I shall rejoice then you all will have the joy of hearing my voice as I say.......

"I'm going through changes"

- a look inside the mind of D -

I've been thinking....

Things are not always as they seem. Appearances are often false images, items places in your sight line to distort the true nature of things. You see TRUTH and REALITY are 2 unrelated items. Truth tends to distort what we feel is Real. Reality is merely a perception a belief of what we feel is TRUE. As LOVE has shown many of us simply FEELING something doesn't make it the TRUTH. True is a term that is hard to come by it seems. The truest person you may think you know has a side hidden from you. Its not a deceitful thing its just the nature of things. Honest Abe had his secrets, though I have a feeling nowhere as exciting as the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter would lead you to believe (HA!).
I think I'm a pretty good viewer of TRUTH vs REALITY, but even I know my view may still not be the clearest. No matter how hard one may try there are forces always in the way. I often wonder in the end will we be shown what should, would and could have happened in our lives if we hadn't let so many other things keep us from going toward greatness. How amazing life could have gone if you had made that mad dash toward something bigger then you ever felt were possible. I guess it doesn't matter really, for in the end life ends up where it was always headed no matter what paths you take to get there.
In the end we are dust in the wind. In the end We will all bedust in the wind my friends
A bit depressing maybe, but it puts things in the proper perspective. LIFE followed by DEATH now that is the ultimate REALITY.

Bring on Tomorrow once Today is Over

It's all about that old mantra "Take it one day at a time", well the day has come and the time is upon us. Life moves fast with twists and turns around every corner. No reality isn't the movies, but are the movies not loosely based on perceived realities? If you can envision it then it just may happen, that being said I've had plenty of visions pertaining to the reanimation or corpses. Sounds crazy, but I say why not? Soulless creatures walk among us everyday have you not heard the latest offerings of pop music? So if those soulless shells can record albums and make millions what's to stop science from finding a means to make a mound of flesh lurch and move with no blood pumping and no spirit guiding it?
In truth I'm sure they have been working on it for years. Frankly most unnatural afflictions are the cause of some shadowy government somewhere attempting to do some sci-fi style experiment of unholy proportions. Makes you wonder what the government is really trying to accomplish with these experiments. Are they thinking super soldiers or chemical weapons, maybe they are trying to do something productive like curing disease or advancing useful technology. No matter their motivations in the end it will lead to disaster.
Beware of things to come. Hell hath no fury like a Governments Lies!

- a look inside the mind of D -

Natural feelings

Beauty in nature and all the wonders it holds. Simply looking at these shots bring forth the power of nature. I am feeling so much more "Aquarians/Earth Child" the older I get. So I love having friends with an incredible eye for the world that surrounds us. I've known this lady forever and all I can say is she rocks at what she does.
- a look inside the mind of D -


Have I mentioned I love trees?


And fog?






Pictures by Sarah H (she works wonders with a camera)

Thunder love

Happy to be here happy to be had happy love has found me to joyful to be sad happy to know happiness in a world so full of straight he'll so happy to be happy don't like it then you can all burn in the fire of your misery for all I care.


What a great day and there is still more to come. Feel so happy and blessed to have enough people who cared enough to send me love, blessed to have a wife who thought to book us two nights in paradise, blessed to have a mother who hooked us up with some extra gambling cash and finally blessed to have an awesome device on which I can document my blessings. iPad courtesy of the amazing wifey as well. When it comes to the deck of cards that is my life everything is coming up aces (that is until I sit down at the blackjack table then it's always a soft 17).
- a look inside the mind of D -

Happy Birthday to D

It's my birthday and I'll do what I want to

The day has arrived. 20 something is retired and 30 something done begun.


Happy to say I've made it, a few years back it was definitely touch and go. So the big number has arrived next milestone isn't for another decade, but we'll get to that coffin(40) when I come to it. Thirty years of life is an amazing milestone if you think of it. It means the teen years didn't do you in and the twenties didn't completely treat you wrong. 30 is all about survival, proof that the turbulence of life didn't do you in. I'm truly happy to say I'm a survivor. Happy Birthday to me so excuse me while I kiss the sky!

- a look inside the mind of D -

Make things happen bro

Time has come and refocusing is happening. New spirit, hope renewed. Grabbing life by the horns is the best way to avoid all the bull.



So much work ahead of me, because frankly better work requires greater work ahead. So many plans to start this new year. Come this summer I plan on being away from here and onto a new future. I know it will be harder then the last four years, but as the history makers of today will soon learn absolute freedom comes at high prices. Life is full of give and take, well I'm cashing in my years of give for some big quality takes. There is no more convincing change is necessary, simply put changes shall be made. Done waiting for a new tomorrow instead I simply will forge my tomorrow today. Happy to say my determination is strong and my will shall be done. As they said way back in the day

"So it is written so shall it be done"

- a look inside the mind of D -

Almost Here

Final hours til I forge on into my 30s, and as the time comes closer I'm starting to feel the twinge of age creeping upon me. I've seen plenty of people panic about leaving their twenties over the years and I always vowed I'd never do the same. Now the time is here and though I feel I'm heading into the transition smoothly I do feel the time closing in on me like a vise. Now 30 is far from old, but I'll be damned if anyone implies it is young. Too early for a midlife crisis but to late for the drunken debauchery of the 20s. All I know is the 20 something days are closing....


Bring on the big THREE ZERO!


- a look inside the mind of D -

Happy Birthday to Her

You are the essence of love. The epitome of beauty and the emperor of class. Happiness is guaranteed when you are near and sadness fails to enter my world. Love you know and forever you are my favorite girl.





February 11th is a epically grand day. My baby gains another year of life and with that life she grows more and more beautiful with each passing day. Some might not understand it but she has always stayed down. No matter what happens I know she has my back. Ride or die chick til the very end, my darling Nikki always has my love. We are just a great fit, always together through thick and thin and our history has shown we will never come to an end. Things are great glorious and grand anytime we can walk hand in hand.
When I doubt myself she is always there to pick me up. When the worlds burdens weigh me down she gives me strength to lift it up. To put it simply she's amazing and I'm blessed to have her. So this day I celebrate her life. Her soul and her spirit. She's great as you can tell so not much else can be said. Darling Nikki my lady love you've been an awesome wife allowing me to lead an epic life.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Sounds good to me

The sound of greatness can be heard all around. You know what you like and like what you know. Never doubt your tastes. Everyone is energized by something different all the time. We all have different tastes I mean there are hardcore polka lovers in this world. Polka for goodness sake. That's fine and dandy and I say more power to them. I on the other hand loves me some classic rock, punk rock, and/or hip-hop. Oh and most things comedy get me going and smiling on the regular.


Modern music is the greatest gift the mysterious alien race who secretly controls us bestowed upon us, after fire and of course political humor(and by political humor I mean politics in general cuz 90% of the time it's all a big you've got to be kidding me moment). So yes bring on the bands, the choirs, the ensembles, the rhythm sections and everything else in between.
Now let's get to the real, everyone has a band group or an artist they are ashamed of loving and/or enjoying. Different artists strike different chords during different points in our lives. Some are amazingly bad, amazingly talentless or maybe they are just amazingly ill timed. Whatever the reason you hide your love from the masses as not to open yourself up for the forthcoming ridicule. I have no shame to my game, I've rocked ICP proudly for over a decade now while not a single friend of mine has truly understood the love.


Sadly though they are misunderstood they are far from my musical shame. I'm talking groups like Junior Senior whose album I to this day have no idea why I purchased it but at the time I was all about shaking my coconuts until the nut falls out. Or the super popularity of being BLUE da bo de da bo di. Of course like many others of my graduating class (go 1999 last of the millennium baby!) I was suckered in by Fred Durst and is band of loud ass sellouts better known as Limp Bizkit. Don't care who you are if you are in and around my age group you found yourself Rollin' Rollin' BreakN Stuff or N 2Gether now. Goes to show you one mans embarrassing garbage is another man's platinum album.
- a look inside the mind of D -

510 925 415 702 209

The legend of my travels are well known, and for those who don't know you soon will. I continue to look forward to the next spot. Always looking ahead to my next location in hopes it may finally be the place I can most permanently call home. Now I'm hoping the SoCal cities I've spent years avoiding look like the next place for me to settle.
After all I'm a nomad for real.

- a look inside the mind of D -

Aftermath

Ok way too much commercial talk. Yes some were clever some were weak 1 was powerful but in the end they are all the same an attempt to separate you from your money. Plain and simple when you get right down to it. That is what commercials are all about no matter how cute sad or funny, your product purchase is their only goal.
Next year must have our 1st official Superbowl party as to avoid the left over debacle we are currently looking at. I'm all about pizza for breakfast, but multiple days...NO BUENO! Very glad we didn't do the dip ideas we initially had. Currently looking at some pizza a few ribs a ton of cookies cupcakes and even some ice cream. Oh my this is going to be an interesting week of odd lunches.


- it is what it is-

Work Thoughts

"All i wanted was your Love Love LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
HATE is a stronger word but I really really really don't like you
Now that its over, I don't even know what I liked about you
Kept you around but you just brought me down
Hate is strong word but I really really really don't like you" - Plain White Tees

These are the random things I  think in my head during long slow days such as this one. Random bits of music movies or stories I've heard at one time or another.  I love getting lost in thought as much as the next guy but this is a bit ridiculous when I have this much time to think of the most random things I could ever dream.
Thoughts like

What would happen if you cross breed a Cow with a Walrus? I mean could we happily drink the milk of this creature. I mean we don't bother to ingest walrus (I believe because they are a bit too unappealing or better still because they look like our great uncles. You know the one who always talks of how MUSIC was MUSIC when he was a child unlike this new gobbledy gunk of today. His words not mine) So if we cross a COW with these freaky creatures would that make it better or worse? I'm just saying.

These are the thoughts I find myself dwelling on. Sad as it is, I guess the oddness is what makes me well ME!

"He's the son of god and man and Lion.
 He's the one who keeps us all from dying.
 You've seen the rest he is the best, he's the best and his name is DUKE LION!" - Big Dumb Face

Guess I'll go back to my thoughts, who knows where they may lead. All that can be done is to keep thinking them and hope for the best.

One Week to go

Today we celebrate the Superbowl. The epic clash between the best in the AFC vs the best in the NFC. We will crown a champion and praise them for their greatness at  the game of FOOTBALL. Yes that is what we shall do today, next week however we celebrate something even greater. Something much more magical.... my 30th year of life. Now to some that may seem like nothing but to me its a glorious event. It means i survived the insanity that was my 20s and now am preparing for a brand new adventure called 30 something.
In all honesty the 20s went by pretty quick, but not quick enough in some regards. There were plenty of 20 something foolishness I wish had gone by in a flash, unfortunately those times seemed to drag on and on. Certainly hope I can avoid some of the same pitfalls i faced during the 20s in my 30s. So today I greet the world that has shaped me over these last 29 years 358 days with a smile and say bring on the future I'm most definitely ready for it.

--A Look inside the Mind of D--

Hidden

Hidden in plain view right in front of a million eyes. Things are never quite what they seem. How is this any different then the everyday illusions we all pull off. We stand side by side with others who will never truly know who we are. No one will ever know the true you because you can never allow that. We all have secrets that no one knows. Some bad some good but no matter which type they are ours and forever shall be. Sure some may know more then others, but they must never know it all. If they knew everything then we would have to deal with our biggest fear, rejection.


What happens when rejection doesn't come? Well then you have to worry about keeping up the relationship be it a love or a friendship. Some find it simpler to separate from others, to be alone and go without connections then deal with the hassle of being true honest and exposed to others. So what's a man or woman to do. Be alone and safe in the knowledge of who you really are. Maybe you decide to expose all and take what follows in stride. Then again you could open as much as possible to few, but know inside there is more to tell yet decide to keep it inside. Whatever you do take pride in the mystery that is YOU.
- a look inside the mind of D -

How I see it

"don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful"... No problem I'll stick to hating you cuz you are VAIN, how's that?

Yes its superbowl weekend I KNOW. But if I hear "Black and Yellow" one more time on the radio being linked to the steelers I swear I'm going to stab a DJ. The song is a bad rapper talking about his ugly ass car and the dumb bitches that drop thong when they see it. It's a song of stupidity on the same level as "toot it & boot it". Oh and furthermore the Lil Wayne Green and Yellow shit is ridiculous. Who cares a saints fan is pulling for the new front running NFC team? Good for him $20 says he got paid pretty well to hype another team.

Ok I'm so over gossip. Work, personal, celebrity, my life is overloaded with it. Why do we care so much about other peoples lives. Also why must we share second and third hand information like we just know it's true? When you don't know shit please stop acting like you know something. All you are doing is causing unnecessary drama and pain for the sake of having someone listen to you. Good for you, you are an ASSHOLE!


- a look inside the mind of D -

Birthday Party Memories

Have not always had the best of tluck when it comes to celebrating my birthday. Figured while I'm doing all this reminiscing leading into 30 might as well do a quick run down of the good times and the utterly bad.
18: my first attempt at partying with friends. Since I am ME I assumed if I like all these people then naturally they would like each other. BIG tragic mistake, I only had eight people at my place and of the eight only 3 liked each other. I blame myself for thinking people from my high school knew how to act haha. So the night ended with me vowing never to assume that everyone will learn to love everyone no matter how hard I try.
20: hands down my best party. Ton of college friends taking over a North Beach Italian joint. Pretending to be celebrating twenty-two (a little foreshadowing for you they should be happy this bday was nothing like my 22nd ended up being). Drinks for everyone good food awesome time and a moment simply known as "the Toast". (one of the best Josh moments of all time. (right up there with "I'm flying WEEE!"
21: let's put it simply. Broke college kids, Denny's for dinner, and no booze available. This was an unprecedented disaster ythat I will always look fondly upon.
22: I can sum up this party quite simply. Birthday BLACKOUT. Let's just say never start a night with tequila shots and beers then graduate to car bombs at the local bar. I think it was a good night. Now my unanimously bad moment involved me attempting to get my friend some action like a good wingman should. Problem is a good wingman should never spend as much time making friends around the bar as I was. When that happens you come up with classic lines like "you're blonde he's blonde, you two should get together!". Like really what the hell was that.
23: FROHAWK the final SF Bday blast. This is another birthday that would be in the books as blackout if it weren't for all the photos to help me remember. SO MANY PHOTOS, and let's just say ME + FROHAWK = Ridiculous Disaster.
24: the first and last attempt at Vegas birthday fun. It was a win/lose situation. Win - spending time with Tiffany my only REAL Vegas pal (no offense she pre dates you special friend Missy) Lose - falling for the game of a traveling juggalette. She goes from town to town living off the Psychopathic (ICP) family members just so she can see this fine country with as little spent as possible.
29: spent time recapturing my Contra Costa love. Wifey and I had a good hotel time in the Walnut Creek Pleasant Hill Concord Tri-city area. Good times ensued

Now I am at the threshold of my 30th and I have high hopes for the celebration to come. Thunder Valley for some boozing, some gambling and some relaxing sounds to me like a perfect way to welcome myself to my 3rd decade of life. No matter the turn out. Whether I see friends or it simply ends up the wife and I all alone I know I am in store for a good time. So cheers to the 13th of this month and let's hope I grow wiser day by day so I can make sure I've got my life heading in the perfect way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 ME.


- a look inside the mind of D -

<><>~Mistakes~<><>

Woke up in the future unsure of what happened in the past. Everyday we gain a bit of our pasts are forgotten. There are times when lost memories are a real asset to our sanity. We all have people places or things we would love to forget. Of course you must think long and hard before you take the leaps and bounds of erasing chunks out of your life. Good or Bad all our experiences shape who we are. I have a pretty decent list of things that I consider bad experiences in my life, but as I approach 30 I finally feel I can put a positive spin on each one.

Abandoned Baby

Yes it's true I was a cute 3 month old boy that someone left behind at highland hospital in Oakland. It hurts feeling unwanted and not knowing who or where I come from. Of course if this had never happened I would never have been in the local newspaper. My Mom would have never heard of me and she and my dad would have never adopted me into the most amazing family. Though I may not always be the best Butler in the world I'm very happy to be part of the amazing clan that is my family.

High School

What began as an amazing time full of promise and friends (De La Salle) turned into a hell hole (Bishop O'Dowd) full of loneliness, boredom, an amazing amount of fake people and a relationship that should have never been. Of course as I got older I came to the realization that I was far from the only one who felt the same way. This knowledge has given me a bond with a few pretty awesome people from that joke of an institution.

W (pain with international flair)

This was my first real relationship. It proved to be a huge headache that lasted three years and in the end proved to be little more then a waste of time and a drain on my bank account. These three years brought on a bunch of pain and doubt into my life, but it also brought me 2 truly great things. First, it brought me the best fake little sister you could ever want. Eva proved to be fun caring and super smart. Though her sister is far from being on my list of worthwhile people whereas Doc Eva is very near the top. Secondly, once the three years were up and I was left confused, devastated, and though I felt relief I was lost. Things would have been much worse if it weren't for my friendship with she who I call M Diggy. She was a kind soul willing to listen and help me get through the rough patch between the first and guide me onto the next.

Vegas

This was supposed to be a most amazing experience. The opportunity of a lifetime. Moving to Vegas on my own with real estate in hand and opportunity all around. At least that was the plan. Reality of the situation was much much harsher. Job market was very thin. Yes casino around every corner but they all want you to have strip experience. Of course it's impossible to gain such experience if no casino will give you a shot without said experience. Outside gigs are few and far between. I got one job that was ok though. Bass Pro where I made a few decent friends, but the place was run by a moron who allowed his Nazi of a buddy to ruin the store. If you are still living Frank you can still SUCK IT ASSHOLE. Now all these experiences were bad and I mean really bad. Vegas resulted with me broke. Creditors on my ass. I've now serves jail time (10 days for driving with a suspended license and expired tags), spent a week in the hospital (learning you're a diabetic the hard way is NO BUENO) and lost a few friends along the way. All this was horribly bad, but without this hideous jacked up city I would have never ended up with my most amazing wife NICOLE BLAKE-BUTLER and that makes all the anguish the city caused meaningless.
Life is full of surprises ups and downs. You must learn to take the good with the bad. Because no matter how bad things may seem the good I mean when it gets really good the bad ain't shit.
- a look inside the mind of D -

Still Counting

11 More days...

21: Now this is the year that is THE YEAR when it comes to being a twenty something. Now after the amazement which made up my 20th, 21 was tame by most standards. The first day of my 21st was quite eventful. It started with me officially becoming an employee of the San Mateo Safeway deli staff. A job that still ranks at the top of my many meaningless jobs. What made that so remarkable was simply the fact it was and still is the only job I've gained simply through knowing the right person. I didn't even have to interview. I only filled out an application simply so there could be some kind of legitimate paperwork.
So the day started pretty well, too bad the same could not be said for the night. So after an amazing party the year before I'm sad to report the grand party that is the 21st consisted of a smaller group of friends (most broke including myself) going to a Denny's and sadly hoping booze would be served (and of course that didn't happen, it's Denny's for heavens sake who ever thought they had booze for purchase was demented). Yes a truly sad party. I love times spent with friends as much as the next guy but that Denny's night was interesting to say the least. I made up for the craziness of the birthday party by going to Reno with my pops for my first shot at gambling. Came out 220 bucks ahead which is the last time I've ever came out ahead during a casino trip. Beginners luck for real.
Now the remainder of the year saw me stopping schooling to work full-time. A choice many think was the wrong one, but at the time it was definitely right for me and what I wanted to do. Outside of work I became more acquainted with the many bottles filled with tipsy causing juices. So needless to say there were many good times some of which are a bit of a haze to remember of course. 21 was the kind of fun I'm glad I had but don't think I would ever do it again.

- a look inside the mind of D -

you MAKE IT they TAKE IT

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

What can you do? The almighty dollar rules the day. Each day in every way money is not just the root of all evil, it's the root to the tree of material happiness as well. Yes material things are frivolous and useless once this life is done, but while we are here might as well enjoy the time spent living to the fullest. Eat drink be merry and damned if anyone wants to ruin our good time.
- a look inside the mind of D -