. As the song says FLOAT ON FLOAT ON and that's all these people do for hours a day possibly entire weekends all summer long. I'd say I'm jealous, but alas I can not lie my life is much more simpler then even there long historic weekends. I've spent 28 years floating and this fact is starting to weigh heavy on me. I have yet to truly apply myself to anything. I've coasted through everything I do. I only put enough effort forth to get by. I'd be the definition of slacker, but on some levels they work hard to keep up that lifestyle where as I don't really give a damn. If this floating there were to end today I'd be better off for it therefore I wouldn't fight the change. Growing up I always thought I was just adaptable or just better able to go with the flow then most people, but I have come to find there is just so much more to it then that. Instead of Slacker or LAZY I feel the best way to describe myself is APATHETIC and Passive. Writing this self diagnosis may be breaking with the code of my life's work, but at this point the apathy has worn me down so far I just don't care. The only thing in life I've cared about have been my relationships with people and my need to write. Sad thing on both friends is I have found myself so distant from friends and family that it makes sense I too am distant from caring about getting publish or being discovered in the literary world. This apathy has been nothing but a burden and frankly I'm just tired of watching it wash everything down the drain. That being sad as of late i have tried to write more to plan things I want to do in this life and to go out and attempt to get them. I'm moving to a place where I'll be much closer to friends and though I don't see them on a regular if at all I have been trying to speak more to the friends who are close by. This is where I take my stand. No more fighting my selfish lazy uncaring nature. No denial will heal anything I must accept my shortcomings and find a way to make them work for me. So much focus is being put on finding work and moving that I have failed to look at the reasons why we are doing so. Its more then just hating the area (STOCKTON sucks the fattest donkey balls ever grown from the hind parts of the beasts), no the move is for the good of us in every way. The need to be close to other people to see other things to be able to get a beach breeze to see water that's not green with mutant fish. This move MUST happen one way or another. I have struggled long enough with this earning the big bucks thing.... Its not about being rich in the material world the spirit needs to be quenched and dammit my spirit is awfully thirsty with the held of my wife and other loved ones I swear come November I shall be in So Cal and taking a big drink
Friday, August 7, 2009
Why must I float
Something in which to spend time doing. No true direction and no goal in mind. A life lead like a leaf on the wind or more like the drunk tubing down the lazy river; he know not where he may end up all he knows is he will be picking up a 6 pack when he gets there. Now that my friends is the ultimate adventure, anytime you can just let yourself go and just BE that sounds like the simplest thing to enjoy in this life. No hysterics no hustle and bustle no worries no fears; all you do is float
. As the song says FLOAT ON FLOAT ON and that's all these people do for hours a day possibly entire weekends all summer long. I'd say I'm jealous, but alas I can not lie my life is much more simpler then even there long historic weekends. I've spent 28 years floating and this fact is starting to weigh heavy on me. I have yet to truly apply myself to anything. I've coasted through everything I do. I only put enough effort forth to get by. I'd be the definition of slacker, but on some levels they work hard to keep up that lifestyle where as I don't really give a damn. If this floating there were to end today I'd be better off for it therefore I wouldn't fight the change. Growing up I always thought I was just adaptable or just better able to go with the flow then most people, but I have come to find there is just so much more to it then that. Instead of Slacker or LAZY I feel the best way to describe myself is APATHETIC and Passive. Writing this self diagnosis may be breaking with the code of my life's work, but at this point the apathy has worn me down so far I just don't care. The only thing in life I've cared about have been my relationships with people and my need to write. Sad thing on both friends is I have found myself so distant from friends and family that it makes sense I too am distant from caring about getting publish or being discovered in the literary world. This apathy has been nothing but a burden and frankly I'm just tired of watching it wash everything down the drain. That being sad as of late i have tried to write more to plan things I want to do in this life and to go out and attempt to get them. I'm moving to a place where I'll be much closer to friends and though I don't see them on a regular if at all I have been trying to speak more to the friends who are close by. This is where I take my stand. No more fighting my selfish lazy uncaring nature. No denial will heal anything I must accept my shortcomings and find a way to make them work for me. So much focus is being put on finding work and moving that I have failed to look at the reasons why we are doing so. Its more then just hating the area (STOCKTON sucks the fattest donkey balls ever grown from the hind parts of the beasts), no the move is for the good of us in every way. The need to be close to other people to see other things to be able to get a beach breeze to see water that's not green with mutant fish. This move MUST happen one way or another. I have struggled long enough with this earning the big bucks thing.... Its not about being rich in the material world the spirit needs to be quenched and dammit my spirit is awfully thirsty with the held of my wife and other loved ones I swear come November I shall be in So Cal and taking a big drink
. As the song says FLOAT ON FLOAT ON and that's all these people do for hours a day possibly entire weekends all summer long. I'd say I'm jealous, but alas I can not lie my life is much more simpler then even there long historic weekends. I've spent 28 years floating and this fact is starting to weigh heavy on me. I have yet to truly apply myself to anything. I've coasted through everything I do. I only put enough effort forth to get by. I'd be the definition of slacker, but on some levels they work hard to keep up that lifestyle where as I don't really give a damn. If this floating there were to end today I'd be better off for it therefore I wouldn't fight the change. Growing up I always thought I was just adaptable or just better able to go with the flow then most people, but I have come to find there is just so much more to it then that. Instead of Slacker or LAZY I feel the best way to describe myself is APATHETIC and Passive. Writing this self diagnosis may be breaking with the code of my life's work, but at this point the apathy has worn me down so far I just don't care. The only thing in life I've cared about have been my relationships with people and my need to write. Sad thing on both friends is I have found myself so distant from friends and family that it makes sense I too am distant from caring about getting publish or being discovered in the literary world. This apathy has been nothing but a burden and frankly I'm just tired of watching it wash everything down the drain. That being sad as of late i have tried to write more to plan things I want to do in this life and to go out and attempt to get them. I'm moving to a place where I'll be much closer to friends and though I don't see them on a regular if at all I have been trying to speak more to the friends who are close by. This is where I take my stand. No more fighting my selfish lazy uncaring nature. No denial will heal anything I must accept my shortcomings and find a way to make them work for me. So much focus is being put on finding work and moving that I have failed to look at the reasons why we are doing so. Its more then just hating the area (STOCKTON sucks the fattest donkey balls ever grown from the hind parts of the beasts), no the move is for the good of us in every way. The need to be close to other people to see other things to be able to get a beach breeze to see water that's not green with mutant fish. This move MUST happen one way or another. I have struggled long enough with this earning the big bucks thing.... Its not about being rich in the material world the spirit needs to be quenched and dammit my spirit is awfully thirsty with the held of my wife and other loved ones I swear come November I shall be in So Cal and taking a big drink
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